How can I cope with my spouse's depression?

My husband has been recently diagnosed with depression and I don't really know how to help him. What can I do to help him deal with his depression?

Many spouses feel powerless, when their partner is diagnosed with depression.This is a far different scenario, then if you are dealing with a child, or other family member, with depression. Your spouse is typically the closest relationship, that you have, and you may feel guilty, and overwhelmed. However, there are several things that you can do to be proactive in their recovery, and help them receive the treatment they need.

The first thing to do is to learn about depression. This is crucial since, family and friends are often the first line of defense, in the fight against depression. Health care professionals often report that those closest to a person with depression, may notice the problem, before the depressed individual does. More importantly their influence and concern can motivate that person to seek help. You should begin by knowing the signs that your loved one may be depressed:

• Persistently sad, irritable, or apathetic mood


• Loss of interest in normal activities


• Talking very negatively


• Withdrawing from friends and family


• Picking fights, being critical or moody


• Major change in sleeping or eating patterns


• Complaining of fatigue, lack of energy


• Frequent, unexplained aches and pains


• Having difficulties at school or work


• Abusing alcohol or drugs

One of the most important things you can do to help your spouse, with depression is to give your unconditional love, and support. This involves being compassionate and patient, which is not always easy when you are dealing with the negativity, hostility, and moodiness, that can go hand in hand with depression. This supportiveness includes: offering encouragement and hope. Verbally reassuring the depressed spouse, that they are not alone, and that you are there to help, can go a long way toward healing.Remind them that their feelings will change, and that they are important to you.

In addition, once your spouse has acknowledged the depression, and agreed to seek help, you can extend your support by approaching the treatment as a team effort. You can offer to be involved in any way or to any degree that your spouse wants and is comfortable with. But remember that you are not in charge of this, successful treatment, depends on the proactive approach of your depressed spouse.Here are some steps you can take while your spouse is going through treatment-

• Provide whatever assistance the person needs (and is willing to accept). You can help him or her make and keep appointments, research treatment options, and stay on schedule, with any treatment protocols.


• Try to have realistic expectations. There is no doubt that it can be frustrating to watch a depressed spouse struggle, especially if the progress is slow or stalled. Remember that having patience is important. Even with the best treatment, recovery from depression doesn't happen overnight.


• Always lead by example. You can encourage the depressed person to lead a healthier lifestyle by doing it yourself: maintain a positive outlook, eat better, avoid alcohol and drugs, exercise, and lean on others for support.


• Try to encourage activity. Invite your spouse to join you in activities that can help brighten moods, like going to a funny movie, or having dinner at a favorite restaurant. It is also important to realize that exercise is especially helpful, so try to get the depressed person out of the house for regular walks. You should be gently and lovingly persistent and don't get discouraged, or stop asking.


• Do not enable the depression, but take on small task if you can. This is because seemingly small tasks can be hard for a depressed person to manage. You can offer to help out with household responsibilities, or chores, but you should only do what you can without getting burned out yourself!


• Take care of yourself-It can be overwhelming, to deal with a spouse with depression. Getting support from family and friends, taking breaks, and taking care of yourself, are all important in helping your spouse, on the road to recovery.